Insecurities
by writofwhatever
Summary: After witnessing the Kugimiya pair's defeat, Shizuku was left in a warring state of insecurity. Troubled with the fear that Kiyoharu might not see her as a partner and a rival anymore, she pushes herself to do her best while dealing with her self-doubt. Rated M just to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I do not own Ballroom e Youkoso.**

 **The content on the Hyoudou pair is close to non-existent (*cries), so I decided to write something for the pair because why not.**

 **This is gonna be a multi-chapter story, but updates might be inconsistent. Please review! I would love to receive feedback.**

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A few months have passed since the Fujita pair won the Metropolitan Tournament. Witnessing the Kugimiya pair's defeat, Shizuku was left in a warring state of insecurity. Her drive to improve herself as a dancer stemmed from Fujita's ability to evolve his style in just a year. While Shizuku may have been acknowledged by Sengoku and the others as a Pro dancer in the amateur league, her confidence in her abilities have been wavering. Her leader, Kiyoharu Hyoudou, whose passion in dancing have been fueled even more because of Fujita was making it harder for Shizuku to catch up to him.

Kiyoharu was hailed as a prodigy—a genius dancer—someone Shizuku has never even thought of partnering up with if not for their familial connection. Everyone told her she was lucky to have such an amazing leader to be paired up with, and she never doubted that. She knew that. She has seen him work twice as hard as any other dancer, dragging her with him in his home where he could use the studio in private to do extra routines and polish their dancing to perfection, and sometimes dancing with only her shadow for him to hold when she reaches her peak of exhaustion. In those times, she wonders if her partner ever thought of dumping her for someone more skilled.

Shizuku shook her head as the fear of losing her partner entered her thoughts. _I can't be like this_ , she thought. _I have to work as twice as hard as everyone else to catch up to him_.

"Kiyoharu," she called out. Said boy stopped his dancing and turned to look at his partner approaching him from across the room. Sweat coated his skin as he held out his hand to her.

"Let's dance," he said.

Their bodies closed the gap between them as they danced. Being partners for 10 years has its advantage. They were able to glide on the dance floor with ease. Both have unconsciously embedded how the other moves in their head. Watching the pair dance was like watching a solo ballerina. Their unity and rhythm was perfect, and they both knew it. Other couples would look at them with envy when they would lock hands together. The perfect leader and his perfect partner they would say. Kiyoharu never paid them any mind, but Shizuku was different. She always felt pride whenever other dancers would express their admiration for the couple. It made her confident that others could see how serious she and Kiyoharu was with dancing. But lately, hearing those praises were giving her anxiety. It seemed to her as though Kiyoharu was showing effort just because a newbie dancer managed to steal his choreography and footwork by just watching, while she was lagging behind and letting said newbie dancer dominate her. It didn't feel right. She wasn't the perfect partner for Kiyoharu.

This only proved when she paired up with another leader without thinking of how Kiyoharu might be affected by her unfaithfulness. Gaju, Mako, and Fujita were even dragged into the middle of it. Her only desire was to be a worthy partner and rival for Kiyoharu again. And it ended up into almost breaking them up. She wouldn't forgive herself if that happened. They never really spoke about what happened again when Kiyoharu found her in the locker room after the Tenpei Cup. He averted her glassy eyes and apologized for keeping his injury a secret in the Prince Mikasa Cup.

"I didn't want us to back out," he said. "We both worked hard on our routine. I don't want to drag my partner down because of some minor inconvenience."

Shizuku choked in a sob as a new batch of tears threatened to spill from her eyes. "Minor inconvenience?" Shizuku took a deep breath before proceeding to give the man in front of her a lecture. "Before I am your partner, I am your friend. I'd rather you not push yourself and endanger your health."

"Can we just go home?" Kiyoharu yawned out, not even trying to calm Shizuku down. "Mom's waiting outside."

Shizuku continued to lecture him while tears ran down her face. She slowed her strides to match Kiyoharu's pace, his crutches resounding the halls as they made their way to the parking lot. Kiyoharu glanced at Shizuku's face before stopping, confusing the ranting girl beside him.

Kiyoharu leaned on his crutches to support his weight before reaching out to wipe the tears on the girl's face. "You were amazing back there."

 _I don't deserve him_ , Shizuku told herself. _I should have been the one apologizing._

The couple continued to waltz around in the studio. The leader making an effort to spin his partner around in order to get her to focus. The distracted look on Shizuku's face made it feel like Kiyoharu was dancing with a doll. She wasn't even complaining about his intentional rough lead. This caused Kiyoharu to stop moving, startling Shizuku out of her thoughts.

"What's wrong?" Shizuku asked. "Are you tired already?"

Kiyoharu stared at her for a second longer before releasing his hold on her. "Let's just go back to the apartment."

They both went to collect their things and change out of their practice clothes before heading out. The pair flew all the way to Italy for extra lessons after celebrating the Fujita pair's victory. Coach Marisa, Kiyoharu's mother, bought them an apartment where the couple could stay at.

The apartment was big enough for the two of them to stay at before flying back to Japan. The floor had separate bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a lounge area where the couple could relax. It was sophisticated and elegant in style; much like the occupants.

Kiyoharu closed the door as they entered. He made his way to the bathroom for a quick shower, while Shizuku prepared tea in the kitchen. Their household routine was always done in peace, despite the pair being childhood friends. It was how they always were. No words were needed between the both of them. Though Kiyoharu can be viewed a bit cold towards Shizuku in the eyes of the public, Shizuku understood his actions and lack of reactions even though it upset her sometimes. No leader cared about his partner more than he did. Sengoku and Fujita even told her Kiyoharu's shadow wasn't alone when he practices alone. He never dances with anyone unless it was her. She knew that. It was how it was even when they were five, and 11 years later it did not change. But why was that thought depressing her, Shizuku asked herself.

"You've been distracted lately."

A voice coming from the direction of the bathroom said. Kiyoharu had a frown on his features as he made his way towards the sofa, his naked torso turned away from her. Shizuku brought the tray of tea and placed it on top of the coffee table before grabbing the towel hanging off her partner's shoulder.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to leave without drying your hair first, Kiyoharu." Shizuku sighed out in exasperation.

Kiyoharu shrugged, and leaned back on the sofa to let Shizuku dry his auburn locks. "You still haven't answered my question."

Shizuku's fingers gently massaged his scalp and hummed in response, a small smile making its way on her face. Being partners for 10 years had its disadvantage. You can never lie your way out of anything, so it's best if you don't answer directly.

"It's nothing serious, Kiyo-chan."

Kiyoharu raised a brow at this. Shizuku only uses that pet name when she wants something from him. He gently grabbed her hands and led her to sit beside him before pouring a cup of tea for the both of them. Kiyoharu observed the soft expression on his partner's face as she drank from the cup.

"I don't know how much longer I can let it slide, Shizuku." Kiyoharu glanced at her. Shizuku put the cup down and stood up, her skirt swaying as she started to walk past her partner. "I just need time. I'll be okay."

"You better stop those thoughts," Kiyoharu leaned back on the sofa. "We have to focus for the Prince Mikasa when we get back."

Shizuku continued on her way to her bedroom with a heavy heart. Thinking about the coming competition was making her feel like a mess all over again. Although she seemed like a calm and put-together character, she was anything but. It was last year's Mikasa Cup that triggered all of her insecurities. Shizuku never realized how dull Kiyoharu has been with dancing. As his partner, she should have given her leader motivation to show some effort. Even Sengoku was showing his way of motivating Kiyoharu through Fujita. Was it the competitions that were boring him? The lack of rivals? Or maybe was it just because of her?

"I know," Shizuku answered as she closed the door to her bedroom. Before meeting Fujita, it seemed like Kiyoharu was only entering competitions for her and his family's sake. And maybe it was true.

Shizuku grabbed some fresh clothes and headed out for a shower. The cool waters always drowned out whatever she was thinking and refresh her, it was the best way for her to calm her nerves and stop her upsetting thoughts. She didn't know why she was slowly becoming like this. Doubting herself was the last thing she thought she would do to herself. She was supposed to be strong and confident, not pitiful. With a rush of annoyance because of how she was acting, she quickly finished her shower and dried herself off.

Shizuku yanked the door with unnecessary force and stomped her way to the front door for a breath of fresh air when a soft snore distracted her. Turning to find the source of the sound, she found her partner fast asleep on the couch they were sitting at earlier. He was lying on his stomach with a pillow nestled between his arms and cheek. Feeling her annoyance starting to dissipate, she walked towards the couch and knelt down to Kiyoharu's level.

"Kiyo-chan," she said softly, trying to wake him up. "You should wear a shirt. You'll catch a cold again."

She sighed as she observed her partner. He always acted like a child when they were alone, depending on her for the littlest of things. Shizuku found it adorable. She pushed herself up to stand and get a blanket when she was suddenly yanked down, and stumbled on the couch. Her face came in contact with Kiyoharu's exposed chest. She immediately shot up to apologize for her fall when Kiyoharu tightened his grip around her.

"Kiyoharu–" she squealed in protest.

"It's really cold," Kiyoharu interrupted her. "Stay." Shizuku settled down in a more comfortable position and looked up at her partner. "You big baby, I was gonna get you a blanket."

Kiyoharu mumbled out a lazy response before letting sleep take over him.

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 **How was it? Should I continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! Been a really long while. Sorry for the mega late update.**

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How long has it been since I felt at peace like this? Shizuku wondered. She felt like floating with the clouds in her current dream state. She was watching her memories shift into important events that shaped her as a dancer.

A younger version of her and Kiyoharu were in the studio warming up. She remembers this. It was one she held dear in her heart. This was when Kiyoharu told her he didn't see her as a partner. His statement hurt her when she first heard it. Her younger self thought she wasn't worthy to be dancing with him. But when she came to realize that he meant to say was that he saw her as his rival, she felt pride swell up in her chest.

That's right, Shizuku thought. I'm his rival. He acknowledged me.

Shizuku smiled at the memory fondly. She felt so happy at that moment. She watched as Kiyoharu and her younger version dance around the studio. The longer she stares at the couple, the older they get. Every twirl changes the scene into more recent memories. She could see how they've improved towards the years.

The changes stopped in a familiar scene. Kiyoharu was forced by Sengoku to teach Fujita how to dance. She stood at the sidelines with a curious expression on her face. She watched as Kiyoharu effortlessly moved through the studio with a bored look on his face. Pfft, Shizuku chuckled. Kiyoharu wasn't even trying. She admired her leader's form and grace from where she was standing.

Her focus, however, wavered when Fujita started dancing. He was copying Kiyoharu's movements perfectly. It was impressive, she says to herself. Though it didn't last long. She sweatdropped when Fujita tripped on his pants.

It was going so well.

Sengoku approached her partner and teased him to get a reaction. How typical, Shizuku observed from her position. Every statement Sengoku made didn't get to Kiyoharu. It was clear that Sengoku made it his hobby to annoy her partner. She giggled at this. A grown man, trying so hard to get the attention of a boy, was truly a funny sight.

"Oi!" Sengoku called out. "You better watch it or the next thing you know he's gonna steal your partner away from you."

Kiyoharu stopped momentarily. He merely gave them a glance and yawned.

"I don't care."

Shizuku's smile fell from her face. How could he say that so callously? She felt a terrible ache in her heart.

She walked to the farthest corner of the studio and danced with herself, ignoring Fujita's longing glances and Sengoku's flirtations. She was too focused on distracting herself from even thinking about Kiyoharu's statement. She knows him better than anyone. He doesn't mean it, she tells herself.

Another scene shifted. She was now sitting alone in Kiyoharu's couch. It was later on that day after Fujita ran off after witnessing her partner practice.

"You're still here?" Kiyoharu asked. He came out of his room with a fresh change of clothes. His hair was dripping wet from his shower.

Shizuku huffed in response. She was still upset at him. Kiyoharu raised his brow at this and flopped down beside her. "What's wrong?"

Shizuku looked at him in disbelief and poked him hard on the chest. "I can't believe you," she started. "You say you don't care and you leave the studio without even saying goodbye?"

"Ha?" Kiyoharu deadpanned.

She felt like exploding on him. Can't he tell that what he said bothered her so much? She inhaled a deep breath to calm herself. "Yesterday," she looked down at her now clasped hands. "You said you didn't care about it if someone stole your partner away from you."

Kiyoharu looked at his partner's sad expression. "I don't get why that bothers you so much."

Shizuku raised her head and looked at him in disbelief. "Excuse me—"

"You should know by now where you stand in my life."

Shizuku's eyes widened at this. "What—"

"Fujita can try all he likes," he looked at her with a soft expression. "I wouldn't give you up for anything."

Hearing his answer, Shizuku felt moisture forming in her eyes. He wouldn't stop looking at her with such a soft expression and it made her heart pound a little faster. He moved closer to her and a gentle smile formed on his face. Kiyoharu cupped her face and removed the tears threatening to fall. "Don't let it bother you so much."

She could only nod in response as Kiyoharu settled down on her lap to sleep. Shizuku looked down at her partner's sleeping face and couldn't help but smile. She brought her hands to his head and combed through his wet locks. This idiot, she sighed. She wouldn't be able to get home now.

Kiyoharu awoke from the ticklish feeling on his neck. He felt a weight on his chest and a low mumble came from it. Looking down, he was greeted with Shizuku's sleeping face. Her hair was sprawled all over his chest, reaching his neck. Ah, he thought, that's what's tickling me.

He brought his hand up to her head and brushed her hair away from her sleeping face. A satisfied sigh came from the woman on top of him. Kiyoharu smiled at this. She looked so serene. His other hand resting on her lower back slowly rubbed small circles which elicited another sigh from her. Kiyoharu wanted nothing more but to stay in this moment. It was so peaceful and he enjoyed it. He enjoyed it so much when it was like this with Shizuku. He knew his partner was distracted and bothered for a while now, and moments like this made him feel like he was helping her somehow.

Shizuku hasn't been sleeping well at night. As hard as she tried to hide it, he knew. He thought of the moments where he could hear light shuffling from her room in the middle of the night accompanied by her frequent sobs. He knew this, yet he couldn't bring himself to do anything. He wanted to help her, but he didn't want to intrude on her privacy. If she wanted help, she would come to him. That's what he always told himself ever since he found out about her nightly routine. But who was he fooling? Kiyoharu knew full well that Shizuku will never open up about it in fear of burdening him. She would stay like that until she found a solution herself. She was never one to ask for help. And it frustrated him.

He praised that attitude of hers when it came to their dancing, but never when it's outside of that scope. Weren't they friends? He's always been there for her ever since they met. Doesn't she trust me? He thought to himself.

"Mmm."

A slight moan distracted him from his thoughts. He looked down on his chest where Shizuku rested. She was groggily rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She blinked once. Twice. "Kiyoharu?"

"Aa."

She smiled at him and it made his heart pound a little faster. How beautiful, he thought.

Shizuku slowly got up from her position and stretched. "I'm sorry for falling asleep like that. You wouldn't let go of me."

Kiyoharu stood up and offered his hand for her to take. She looked at his slightly disheveled appearance and giggled. She ignored his hand and ruffled his hair in a loving manner. Kiyoharu felt like a pet. He sighed and took her hands off his hair so he could hold it.

He dragged her to the direction of the door but he was suddenly halted. "Huh?"

He glanced behind him and Shizuku was pulling her hand away. "Where do you think you're going?"

Kiyoharu faced her fully and scratched his cheek. "I'm hungry."

Shizuku giggled at his childish behaviour and pinched his cheek. "We're not going out."

Kiyoharu raised his brows in surprise.

"Well," She pointed at his chest. "At least not when you're like that."

Kiyoharu looked down on himself and found what she was referring to. "Ah."

He didn't have a shirt on. With that, he sneezed.

"Kiyo-chan!" Shizuku reprimanded him. "How many times do I have to tell you not to sleep without a shirt or at least a blanket on?"

Despite being taller than her, he felt small. "Ah, gomen."

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 **This is my first fanfic and I'm still in my experimental phase of writing. Please be patient. Hehe**


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